Stephen Lynch

If I could be a superhero

I would be awesome man

Flying around the world fighting crime

According to my awesome plan

And if I saw criminals trying to lie

Hurting other people and making them cry

I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van

Cause I would be awesome man

Now, some criminals want you to be a criminal, and they offer you things like drugs and alcohol. We know what to do, kids. We just say 'no'.

If I could be a superhero

I would be drug-free boy

Telling the world of the evils of drugs

And all of the lives they destroy

Well I'd take all the junkie

He's getting so high

With his needles and bongs

And his sticks made of Thai

As I burn them alive I would squeal with joy

Cause I would be drug-free boy


if I could be a superhero

I'd be immigration dude

Sending the foreigners back to their homes

For eating up all of our food

And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot

Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit

I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood

Cause I'd be immigration dude

Kids, you can make up your very own superhero. If you could, who would it be?

If I could be a superhero

Would you be justice guy

Making sure people get what they deserve

Especially women that lie

Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job

To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob

You could skin them and drain them of blood so they die (especially Bob)

Then you would be justice guy

Or you could be more subtle

No I didn't mean to be vague

Give her the mad cow disease

Let him die of the plague

As long as they suffer for their terrible lie (especially Bob)

Yes then you would be a superhero like me