I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me kinda strange
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light and made a change
And I fortunately know a little secret
It's a talent that I always have possessed
When u hear it, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, but lonely and depressed
Pathetic
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
This one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to me
Crying, “Will you help us pretty please?”
And I help them?
Yes, I do
The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?
They're not all that impressed with conversations
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man
Poor unfortunate souls
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy person
And I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice!
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll
Take a gulp, take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll!
Nicky, Kevin now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
You poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
This one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to me
Crying, “Will you help us pretty please?”
And I help them?
Yes, I do
Those poor unfortunate souls
