I was down in Mexico when I ran into a sexy ho
And she said baby I'll fuck your brains out and I said ok
Then she took me into the whorehouse and I said let's get it on
And she said first you have to pay me 900 pesos
And I said BITCH, SHUT THE HELL UP
I was in my room one night and my mom came in and I was playing a video game
And she said hey Travis I found this magazine under your bed
And she held it up and it was a bestiality magazine with a picture of a dog fucking a woman on the front
And she said what the hell are you doing looking at this shit
This has got pictures of people fucking animals in it
And it's got pictures of a woman having sex with a horse and a man having sex with a horse and an old man having sex with a horse that's having sex with a little girl who's having sex with a baby that's having sex with a dog that's having sex with my mom!
And I said BITCH, SHUT THE HELL UP
Shut the hell up
Shut the hell up
Shut the hell up
Shut the hell up
Shut the hell up
Shut the hell up
Shut the hell up
Shut the hell up
So one day I was running late for school and I was going 80 miles an hour down Schillinger Road
And then the red lights came on in the rearview mirror and I was like holy shit the cops is after me
So I hit the gas pedal and I wound up sideswiping a truck, running over an old lady and then hitting a dog and knocking it down the street
And then all of a sudden an alien came down and it crashed in front of me and I swererwwerwererererved around it
I swerwerrrewerwereved around the alien
And the cop kept chasing me and he kept chasing me and he kept chasing me and I swerved through the intersection, made an illegal U-turn and then changed lanes without using a turn signal
And then I finally pulled over because I was getting you know, I was getting kinda low on gas
And then the cop gets out of the car and he comes up to the car and he's like hey dude, do you have any idea how fast you were going back there
