You don′t wanna go on late night drives alone on a mission
I'm playing story telling beats until I start reminiscing
About the days on the estate as a boy with a visionBumping get rich or die trying with a bad premonition
Mums busy in the kitchen chopping, weighing and wrapping
Serving the knocking fiends and no I ain′t capping
Money weren't an issue back then when the nine bars were snapping
Cash stuffed behind the skirting board, yea that was our safe
When the cops come searching, that'd be the last place
Tax free cash on benefits, yea that′s Fairfield estate
To be honest I wouldn′t wanna grow up in any other place
Cos that gave a story to tell and a big dream to chase
But it also gave me a neutral look on my face
And as I got older there weren't no more reason to smile
Mums gone clear and we ain′t seen any cash for a while
Working two shitty jobs with birthdays coming up soon
And I'm used to getting spoilt and fed with a silver spoon
But now that′s all gone cos there's no money just debt
The bailiff comes knocking twice a week tryna collect
Turn off the lights, shut the curtains and don′t answer it
Her jobs just weren't paying she had no money to give
Pretend nobody's home cos we′re in deep shit
It was all good yesterday until The leccy meter tripped
To buy us some more time we′d hit the emergency switch
It won't last long and we can′t top up the stick
And I know most my family are going through the same shit
All these years later I still feel effects from it
Financially I'm stable but mentally not so much
I don′t want a solitary life, I wanna follow my instincts
But lately I've been getting so materialistic
But that′s not how I saw myself, this isn't how I wanna be
No one to look up to so I looked at my self
Spent hours the mirror dealing with the cards I'm dealt
I don′t feel good enough after the things that I felt
And things I heard, I′ve stayed silent my whole life
Cos I'm scared of my words
Yea I′m scared of my words
Through them you hear my issues, that's why I feel unworthy
The worlds a massive mess and I′m closing in on my thirty's
And all this social media got these good girls acting thirsty
Any lad can show interest and they′re thinking that's he's worthy
My trust is all gone from a bad do with my ex
Now I′m all alone, I′m so down and depressed
I've only got bad memories no happy thoughts left
Everybody chats shit, their full of false promises
And I thought I was done with love but I just tried it again
My heart just ain′t with it, I have to pretend
And it sucks me dry me mentally, I need to defend
Against these demons fucking talking to me when the day ends
To be honest i've had enough, it′s just too fucking draining
I'm happy stuck inside, my excuse is it′s raining
You said it'll take time for me to feel ok
But it's not that fuckin′ simple, spend a day in my brain
The sun can be shining, i′m just waiting for rain
I'm having a good day, I know it ends with pain
I get all defensive, fuck, I feel useless
I haven′t got what you need, I give too many excuses
I can't live in the moment, i′m too focused on the future
Having a healthy mind is something that i'm not used too
Persistent overthinking, i′m struggling to sleep
Studying phycology, what the fucks wrong with me
I've got control now, but I relate to every illness
I need to get it off my chest, really I need to spill this
But it would take forever, to find how deep this pain sits
I should tell a doctor, but it seems so fucking aimless
Cos I don't want no pills to make me feel pretentious
I′ll never feel normal, this pain it feels endless
Even if I did find a pill to fight against this
It′ll probably be to late, I'll be 6 feet deep and painless
