When they find my body tell them leave it where I kept it
In a drawer with all my regrets and the parts I left neglected
Promise with a handgun, I lived my whole life recklessDreaming of another way to reignite the light in me
Honestly, I wish I could′ve given you the best of me
Break my back to show my spine, I am my own worst enemy
Keeping tabs on my old haunts, no love, nobody there for me
Lost hope in the father, started buying what they're selling me
Taking full bags to the dome, I ain′t never leaving home
Ain't felt love in so long, got my heart turning stone
But when in Rome
Indulgence is the norm
I'm gonna take the world by storm, just give this one listen more
If you ain′t pick up what I said, you ain′t really about it
This ain't slinging drugs or catching bodies, just dependence on that molly
Catch me coasting out of body, out of sight, out of mind
Think I lost a piece of mine coasting between space and time
Just a cosmic object, of zero importance
A wink of the cosmos is our whole life before us
50 years, a man′s life
Already lived that twice
A balance between god and bone
If hell is hot, then heaven's cold
Like a battle of blood, no side wins
Do the best you can just to avoid a life of sin
But the rules keep changing, and nobody explaining
So I said fuck it to the pious, let′s go start a fucking riot
I, on a shoreline I find myself
Lost in your arms again
Lost in the waves
Standing by a river got me caught up in my dreams
Caught in-between, rough undercurrent in the stream
This can't be life, the ones you loved, the ones that left you
No this can′t be right, I can't accept that heaven kept you
Your life is yours to make, if you want it you can have it
But if this life is yours to take, please don't let it be a habit
Losing all my friends, swear it′s giving me the bends
If my mans from the ends can′t be there in the end
As we get older, shit get colder, I can't see clear
Snowflakes got me thinking I won′t see next year
Know that every day a blessing, I ain't see it then
Never see it coming ′til you see it in your men
The spirit leaves, the mind goes blank
A body with no pilot, the environment reacts
Mirror images of a life of stone
Family asking me when he's coming home
Shit I wish I knew, I still miss him too
But the hero in this story hooked on hero′ in the truth
But that's god's way, can′t face what the tomb say
Unmarked grave in the park where the kids play
News say, another body in the leaves
Hope death ain′t coming for me but we're all food for the trees
When the man above says times up, so rack another line up
Don′t give a fuck about today, 'cause we ain′t promised for tomorrow
Feel it running through my marrow, body feeling like a shackle
Smoking on tobacco, this cough is more a rattle
Every day another battle with the bottle
On the ropes in petty squabbles, it isn't worth all of the hassle
Feeling trapped inside the lasso
A horse′s noose, grip won't loose
What's the use?
Give it all up, float among the waves, and
I, on the shoreline I find myself
Lost in your arms again
Lost in the waves
High off a bag of rocket
Shooting off bottle rockets
The key that′s in my pocket
Call that direct deposit
Know that I got some problems
Don′t do too good at hiding
Work through it in my writing
Don't worry I′m just vibing
Don't ask about my state of mind I told ya
Putting up Guevara posters, it′s apparent I'm a poser
Poster child for abstinence from substances
I came up out the gutter doing blow off genesis
To be this good it takes ages
Billing a zoot with bible pages
Saying fuck the man I′m talking to the other hand
This one is for the people on the corner catching coins in cans
Pots and pans, plots and plans, i don't need them
I'm just strolling through a toxic land, washed in the blood of lambs
This is scripture, make you spiritually richer
Bombs I′m dropping, kamikaze, take my mental out the picture
Been gone for days in a maze of my creation
Tunnel through the walls and watch the roof cave in
I made it out the rubble but the trouble didn′t stop there
Dodging blue lines, chasing white with more some more beer
Ignore the fear that my heart might be going
Drinks stay flowing, I'm getting way too open
Might just tell ′em something I can't expose
I knows it in my bones, I′m numb, ain't got no soul
I go to speak but nothing comes out
I open my mouth and spiders crawl out
One chair in the cell that I sleep in
Concrete floor where I battle all my demons, my own colosseum
Spirits, I can see ′em, looks like I'm leaving
Road to purgatory and I'm still free wheeling, but
All I wrote is nothing but prose
No imagination, hallucinations of the nose
Hallucinations of the nose
Tryna drown my sorrows in some new designer clothes
And I got me some new flows
But even with new shit the cons still outweigh the pros
I′m on a disc with RXS3
You know my wrist on froze
But I still wish that I was buried six feet under the snow
This little light of mine
It′ll never get its time to shine
My music's like a bottle rocket failed to launch
It′s just a bunch of junk that never took off
Maybe it's for the best
My pops said it best
He said it′s blending in with all the rest
Time moves by and my corpse will decay
But I still hope that my album will get a few plays
I'll get by, taking this day by day
But if I die, just know you′ll be okay
All I've ever done was bring other people down
I don't think I′ll forget my mother′s defeated frown
All I've ever been is a disappointment to others
Not to mention a constant burden on my lovers
Why can′t time just pass me by?
Why can't time just pass me by?
Why can′t time just pass me by?
Why can't time just pass me by?
Why can′t time just pass me by
Hope you can hear my cry up in heaven, oh my
Accomplishments go down the drain when I see the powder rain
Made me forget why came or why I even left the game
Don't call it a relapse
Just a lil' something, help me relax
Just show me where the speed at
Help me counteract the Benadryl
Or better still
Let me mix it with some vodka
Let mind start to wonder
Now completely detached our hero finds themselves
In a Honda in an alley
Pally with the plug they great each other with a hug
But it′s always strictly business, don′t get it twisted
Friends are far from our heroes side
Cause it's their own reality where they chose to reside
Far from where was once home
Lonely place where no one goes
Hallucinations of the nose
Bleeding through the mask that my father gave
The ghost of his features
I wish I couldn′t see 'em
But I′m bleeding through the mask of my history
A roadmap with no goal
Even if you paint it gold
I'm still running from the facts about myself
That I can′t deny
I've been away too much
I never really tried
To fix the parts of me
That I thought were a disgrace
I had tears in my eyes
Blood running down my face
All these scars
Are memories I just relive
Permanent reminder sometimes life's a bitch
Cut me open and all you′ll see is the truth
Life is colour motion not a painted bowl of fruit
So I′m still bleeding through the mask that my father gave
The ghost of his features
Sometimes appears in the ether
And I'm still bleeding through the mask of my history
Feels like I′ll never leave it
Memory got me defeated
Feels like the last 20 years I been high
My brain wide open
My body is broken
I can't keep on living out this lie
Don′t even act like I'm happy
You′d be better without me
The performance is done
I hope you had fun
Hearing my trouble splattered aimless on the page
They say tragedy is the comedy of life
Well good luck laughing staring death in the eye
We're on a first name basis
I'm just covering bases
They say my music is tasteless
They′d see the vision if I made it
If god is real then I repent for all my sin
But what′s the use of a god
When the devil lives within
The things I held so close
Are the things that hurt me most
But I can't even front
I know, it′s all my fault I'm a
Blunt attitude
Stunted as a youth
I can′t look at myself
Cause all I see is you
More like a shadow than a ghost
I know you're always there
I can′t avoid your stare
The parasite that I host
I know you're killing me
I know it's killing me
Staring at the mask that my father gave
I don′t recognise myself in the mirror
Putting on the mask of my history
I see it crumble, I′m nothing but rubble
I'm nothing but the mess that my father made
I see the sun coming up
But I′m still snorting off of the table
I don't really give a fuck
About keeping myself safe and stable
Cut the cable, let me free fall
They offer help I know I need it
But this ain′t over if I'm breathing
Sunk cost of substances I′m fiending
Got me fucked up
Got me blacked out in the corner
Out the door in early morning
Get ahead of today's scoring
By the afternoon it's gone
I know I fucked up I ain′t got no self control
But I need all that and some more
I see hell behind the door
Do it how I wanna
Give a fuck about no karma
Lived in hell before I′m dead
Paved my way, live for my friends
Fly straight off the asphalt, ain't talkin′ planes
Know a Cuban link but I ain't talkin′ chains
Ice in my chest got me lost in a daze
How'd I get here? I′m amazed, but I
Line it up in broad day
Yeah, I do it my way
While my pupils dilate
Pirouette on ice wearing roller skates
Secret key of inner peace, it bends before it breaks
Never know how much it takes
Never do I take the bait
Only see myself in strangers
But I'm talking to the angels
Think you could walk with me?
I'm the box that set the sinners free
Oh, Pandora, lamb to slaughter, dodgin′ facts bout my early grave
Got no time for six feet deep
You cannot come close to me
I been hidin′ way outta way, mind not a state
This do not matter, need I remind you
I'm your provider, this what you came for
Ain′t it?
Pay attention, 'cause this the show stopper
Do it how I wanna
Give a fuck about no karma
Lived in hell before I′m dead
Paved my way, live for my friends
Drip back like a leaking crack
White smoke curling off the can
Dark life with no back up plan
No shots, AC Milan
Cooped up in a caravan
With a little bag of magic and a flower stash
I'm nothin′ but a product of my circumstance
Blame god he made me that, took my soul the devil gave it back in all black
With a pitchfork and a lit torch tellin' me
I'm gonna do some great things some day
But shit
Getting high don′t get you paid
Only wastes away the days you can′t face
There's gotta be another way, I can hardly show my face
Ashamed the path I take so I pray you don′t relate
History repeats itself so I watch time flow backwards
Wrote stanzas to understand it
Memories feel underhanded
Living out the same things
Got cash, all cream
Motivation, no steam
Half mast, know what I mean?
Remember as a kid I used to look for the light
Still do it now but I still end up blind
Stunted at 16
Now I'm livin′ in a pipe dream
Memories, my enemy
The past stay dead to me
Escape with coke or ketamine
Every horse makes gelatine
Old ways make by-products
The dairy cow made into Prada
Your old scars tell new stories
Life lived since you swore you couldn't
Your old scars tell new stories
Of the life lived since you swore you couldn′t
For me therapy never lasted more than an hour
Just a hint of retreat before my problems reclaim power
Of a sombre mind
I'm trying to tackle all my demons at once
All I ever seem to do is find a new way to run
A new way to destroy myself
A new way to enjoy myself
Fucked up how I always get fucked up
I'm twenty years in, is this all that I′ve become?
