Draft Dodger RagPhil OchsWritten by Phil OchsOh, I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American townI believe in God and Senator Dodd and a-keepin' old Castro downAnd when it came my time to serve I knew "better dead than red"But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said: CHORUS Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a DEE-fense plantI've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up backI'm allergic to flowers and bugsAnd when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fitsAnd I'm addicted to a thousand drugsI got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toesI can hardly reach my kneesAnd if the enemy came close to meI'd probably start to sneeze I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a DEE-fense plantOoh, I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies,Onething you gotta seeThat someone's gotta go over thereAnd that someone isn't meSo I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell!Kill me a thousand or soAnd if you ever get a war without blood and goreI'll be the first to go Yes, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a DEE-fense plant
