Step one!
Get everyone′s attention
A powerful, majestic startMaybe battle horn of some kind?
Step two! Drums!
There has to be drums!
It doesn't hurt if the drums are played by gorgeous topless men
It′s proven very efficient throughout the years
But, please feel free to try other alternatives
It's also proven helpful to go the exact opposite way
Use a grandmother!
Step three!
Show the viewers your country's ethnic background
By using an old traditional folklore instrument
That no one heard of before
No, no, in this case
It′s proven much more efficient to not use a young model
Go for an old man
A beard helps!
This instrument is called a Swedish kvinnaböske
A small roundish piece from the horn family
Inherited from the Vikings
Just make something up, no one will know!
Step four!
In Eurovision, nothing says winner like a violin
Trust us, bring a violin!
Step five!
The violin, the drums and the kvinnaböske
Might make it all feel a little bit old fashioned
This can easily be fixed by adding a DJ who pretends to scratch
In real life of course, this is thirty years old
But in Eurovision, it will give your number a contemporary feel
Step six, costumes!
You need to look memorable
Something that the viewers will notice
Perfect!
Step seven, the song!
Everything else might be important, but the song is essential
Let it be about something everyone can connect to
Love works
Peace is also a popular way to go
Yes, peace is good
ABBA actually won the competition
With a song about war with Waterloo
But this is not something we recommend
When you have all the pieces are gathered
Go for it and don′t look back!
Let the song begin with passion
Let the wind begin to blow
You can break the rules of fashion
And your chance to win shall grow
Look into the TV camera
So the audience can see
That you're lovable, not desperate
Smile and they will vote for me
Fill the stage with light
As dancers will join us
The expectations grow
It′s time for the chorus
Love love peace peace
Old women baking bread
Peace peace love love
And a man in a hamster wheel
Love peace peace love
Make it unforgettable
And you will be the best
And win the Eurovision Song Contest!
Now we'll go down a notch
Our hands will touch
Pretending we′re in love
It's you and me and when we change the key
We′ll give the world a show
It begins to snow
Love love peace peace
And a burning fake piano
Peace peace love love
And a Russian man on skates
Love peace peace love
It'll be incredible
And you will be the best
Love love peace peace
Party for everybody
Peace peace love love
More tricks in a hamster wheel
Love peace peace love
And we can guarantee
That you will be the best
And win the Eurovision Song Contest!
And win the Eurovision Song Contest!
