Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas,
On that yolly holiday,
I'll go in the red, like a knucklehead
Cause I squander all my pay.
Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas,
Shopping sure drives me beserk,
On the day before, I rush in da store,
Like a nervous nelly yerk.
I look at nightgowns for my vife,
Dose black ones trimmed in red.
But, I won't know her size,
And so, she'll get a carpet sweeper instead.
Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
Ven each kid hangs up his sock,
Its a time for kids, to flip der lids,
While der papa goes in hock.
On da night before Christmas.
Its still in the house,
My family is sleeping,
I'm quiet like a mouse.
I look at my vatch, and midnite is near,
I tink I'll sneak out, For a cold glass of beer.
Down at the corner, the crowd is so merry,
I end up by drinking about twelve Tom & Yerry,
I get to bed late, and yee vhise how I'm sleeping,
Ven on to my bed, dose darn kids, day come leaping.
Day sit on my face, and day yump on my belly,
And I'm quivering all over, like a bowl full of yelly,
Day scream Merry Christmas, and my poor vife and me,
Ve stumble down stairs, and she lights off da tree.
My head is exploding, my mouth tastes like a pickle,
I step on a skate, and fall on a tricycle.
Yust befor Christmas dinner, I relax to a point,
Den relatives start svarming, all over da yoint.
On Christmas, I hug and I kiss my vifes mother,
Da rest of da year, ve don't speak to each other.
After dinner, my aunt, and my vifes uncle Louie,
Get into a arguement; dere both awful screwy.
Den all of my vifes family, say Louie is right,
And my goofy relations, day yoin in da fight.
Back in da corner, da radio is playing,
And over da racket, Gabriel Heater is saying,
Peace on earth everybody, and good vill toward men
and yust at dat moment, someone slugs uncle Ben.
Dey all run outside vhooping for da neighbors will hear,
Ohhhh, I'm so glad Merry Christmas,
Comes yus
