Why do I feel like I′m losing all control?
Times are fading, can't speak, where did you go?
I′m screaming, can you hear me now?Tell me can you hear me?
It was a typical night, not much to do, her and her friend just hanging out in her room.
And they were never the cool girls in school, someone texted them, they didn't know what to do.
Said that they were just chillin' and watching Netflix, he said that we got some liquor, come and kick it.
He was older, they didn′t think that for a second that he would ever wanna hang with them especially some freshmen but who knows, maybe he′ll that we're cool and when we go back to school they will look at us differently, right?
She asked, she said she was down, they said cool and they picked em′ up around the corner, alittle tipsy already, cause' they had been drinking some vodka that they found in the liquor cabinet earlier.
They had never really drank so needless to say, the thought of drinking too much, never occurred to her.
Snuck out the house then got in the car.
They said the house isn′t too far away, so they parked and then they walked a little bit before they snuck into the window of one of the kids basements.
The coolest kids on the football team, and it was, five of em' all laughing.
It seemed like, everything was all good enough.
Poured the liquor and said you gotta drink outta the bitch cup now.
She was game, didn′t wanna seem like, she couldn't hang, so she drank it all down and then she swigged the bottle.
By the time she looked around and couldn't find her friend, she thought something wasn′t right, and started feeling awful.
This is where it all gets hazy.
She remembers being picked up and carried away to a room, it all started going fuzzy, fading in and out.
She came to it with him on top of her with his friends around, "no stop, what are you doing?
Quit playing" she couldn′t really move and she was so drunk but she kept saying it.
She kept saying it.
He put his hands into her pants she didn't know what he was doing, she said it again.
Tried to push it away and she said "no" but her eyes were barley openin′ up and she just couldn't move around.
Felt him take off her shirt and couldn′t tell but it looked like his friend had started filming too.
Heard the sound of his voice, breath on her neck, felt his hand push her down and that's it.
It went black.
Take up, right there.
She don′t remember anything after that.
She woke up to the sound of her Mum shaking her.
Her front yard, 5am in the middle of winter.
Said the temperature was 21 degrees and her hair had almost been completely frozen to the concrete.
Still hazy when she walked back inside.
She remembers that she kept on askin' if she's alright then took her clothes off to put her in the bath, saw the marks on her body and that′s when she knew that she had been attacked but, she couldn′t even really put words together.
And the whole room was spinning, she just started cryin'.
The next thing she remembers was the doctor asking her questions and even now it′s really hard to recollect it.
They said rape, and now the cops are showing up.
Asking her where she was and what happened but, still in shock her brother had found her phone with all the people she had texted last night in the snow.
They took him into custody and made the news. '
Small town football player′ had been accused of sexual assault, she didn't know what it was called and really felt like it was her fault.
The next day at school, she was outcast.
The whole student body, they had heard about it.
And she just wanted to pretend it didn′t happen but the word of this video, it had got around.
They called her a slut and that she was a Lying bitch and why the fuck would she accuse someone like him to get attention.
And even if wasn't lying, she probably wanted him and if she didn't she shouldn′t drink and learn her lessons.
This all feels like a real bad dream and everybody keeps staring, it seems like, she could still feel the spots on where he touched her.
Her life is over, how could anybody love her now?
And even adults think she′s making this up, and all the friends she did have are too afraid to speak up.
Pray to god that this will all go away and she keeps counting the days until this court case is over.
Just a little validation said she ruined his life, it's amazing.
Let these thoughts just run all day, and go to sleep now, the only way to escape.
She woke up to the sound of her mum screaming first, said they let em′ all walk, thought she was dreaming first.
They were kids and now their whole life ahead of them, and not to let some mistake and a little girl threaten it.
Plus the dad was a senator with connections, just boys being boys, they have all learnt their lessons.
Couldn't believe it, she just wanted justice and more than that, she just wanted them to admit it but she was disregarded and then the backlash.
She had her name attached to slut made into hashtags.
Open twitter and the notifications just blew up, saying that she should kill herself, that she deserved it.
And then, from that night and all the court dates since, couldn′t prepare her for the hurt those words did.
Sick of crying and being under a microscope and having her woman be the topic of conversation.
Half the town thinks he's innocent.
Happy to get him back on the field so they could win again.
Turn the computer off and shit the phone, like what the fuck happened to my life?
Coz′ I dunno, but, future room, the reputation is nothing.
She keeps taking all of these pills but it don't numb it, he said "fuck it" for the last time.
Maybe these people on Facebook are right.
Grabbed the belt she found in the top draw then she took it to the bathroom to tie it up.
Could barely see through the tears but she kept hearing people call her liar as she stepped on the lip of the tub.
You don't know how dark this life gets.
Sick of living her whole life in regret, so she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
And then she stepped.
Why do I feel like I′m losing all control?
Times are fading, can′t speak, where did you go?
I'm screaming, can you hear me now?
Tell me, can you hear me?
