I′ve lived with
Prog rock bassists
Closet racistsA schmuck who will not shut the damn fridge
Anarchists
Gold-star addicts
I've lived with everyone
Ivy leaguers
Fake ID dealers
A couple of couples who were touchy-feelers
Bucktoothed lap dogs
But why keep track cause
I′ve lived with every...
One-trick pony
Cooking Rice-a-Roni
Psych majors who think they know me
Marxists from Texas
And straight-A sexists
Tax evaders
Locked-out neighbors
Stay-at-home moms who salute dictators
Men who burn toast
And maybe some ghosts
I've lived with everyone
But never have I
And never will I
Room with my best friend
Don't room with your best friend
I′ve lived with
Squares and sticklers
Body chiselers
Borderline abusive ticklers
Couch potatoes
Drunk barf-volcanoes
I′ve lived with everyone
Stoic preteens
Hopeless ski teams
Pre-school teachers pre-morning caffeine
Mormon doormen
But who keeps score when
You've lived with everyone
White rappers
Whiter rappers
The dust of crushed-up saltine crackers
Drama queens
Causing scenes
And dicks who piss on sublent toilet seats
Dicks who piss on sublent toilet seats
Dicks who piss
Dicks who piss
Dicks
Dicks dicks dicks
Chronic kleptomaniacs
Steal my shit and sell it back
Clean the kitchen once then act like they deserve a plaque
Cats, rats, goats, horses
Hordes of human-eating roaches
Never have I
And never will I
Room with my best friend
Don′t room with your best friend
We both go to sleep at twelve
Regularly clean ourselves
But if you moved in
I fear my friend
Would become another song lyric
Closet bassists
Prog rock racists
A schmuck who will not shut the damn fridge
Anarchists
Gold-star addicts
I've lived with everyone
And it wasn′t any fun
But I'll live with anyone
But you
