Me an' Earl was workin' the superslab1 outside a' that Ogallala?2
When outta town come a local clown3 in a '65 Impala4
Had a 'coon tail5 flyin' off a' his whip antenna6
We was haulin' a load a' them go-go girls7
Truckin' 'em over to O-town8
Old boy got on his microphone
Says "How's about a little showdown9?"
Well, hot damn, I'm a gamblin' man,10
So ev'rybody get yer bets down
'Cause this old truck gonna make us a buck
Chicken in the bread pan, pickin' out vittles11
Swing them heifers and away we go
Wake up, Earl, we gots to race that pile a' junk12 over ta North Platte13 city
Well, one-eyed bears14 and deuces wild
We got the back door pad-locked15
He says, "Bet five bucks and a side a' beef,
"I can beat them cows ta Flat Rock16."
You hear that, Earl? He says he's gonna whip Ol' Bessie17 here!
I says, "Call your five and raise ya ten18
"Jes' kiss that Chevy goodby, boy
"'Cause when Bessie hits that floatin' gear19
"You gonna be eatin' Hereford pie20. Yeah."
Well, hot damn, I'm a gamblin' man,
So ev'rybody get yer bets down
'Cause this old truck gonna make us a buck
She gonna round them curves at thirty gees21
A trunk full a' cows22 an' a hood full a' bees23
Move it up a notch24, Earl.
Yeah, that's it. That's floatin' gear! C'mon Bessie!
Well, tuck it on in and head it for the barn25
If we don't win, we gonna sell the farm26
If this old wreck don't break my neck,
We gonna take them cows to a discatheque27
I says, "Come on, Earl, let's give it a whirl.
"That Chevy is a-pickin' up speed."
Well, we crossed the Platte28 at a hundred flat29
Old Bessie was a-blowin' the weeds30
We definitely was in that Monfort lane31.
Yeah, we won
