I′ll miss you,
I'll miss our walks,
Trying to pretend we are in perfect step.Out of step now,
Sick on the floor,
Out of the room,
Fenced in, trapped.
I can still hear the schoolchildren play outside at their usual 10: 30.
It always used to annoy me, as I was trying to sleep, but it doesn′t now.
It seems alright.
A replacement, a continuation.
Their sound jangles around the room,
It sounds so different from where I've been.
A party, alone.
Packed in with others, but never feeling so alone.
People dance too close.
She was there, I had only gone because I hoped she would be.
I had arrived early, as the the streetlights were coming on,
So I took a long walk around the block,
Taking a few extra lefts and rights,
Past the Chicken Cottage and the Costcutter,
Then along a crescent that arced me out of my way,
Past a group of figures huddled
Under the entrance to the flats,
Shielding the flicking lighter from the wind.
This... area is little more
Than a traffic island,
A triangle around which cars and coaches stream into town up the bleak Old Kent,
Or out into Kent and the coast.
The same faces trudge around there for years.
"Spare some change please? Much as possible."
"You want to buy some weed."
"Do you have a spare cigarette?"
He always wants one.
And that one about weed was not a question.
There is a Samaritan's office between two severely dilapidated buildings on a black-bricked terrace.
It has a thermometer painted on a 10 ft wooden board nailed to the outside.
There is red paint up to the £0 mark, and, an ambitious 10 ft higher,
Is written £200, 000.
It never got any warmer there.
The Man begging in the corner makes me take a huge detour when going towards my flat.
He looks up with a pitiful stare that makes me want to kick the misery out of him.
His dipit wee cup of unwanted coffee.
A child′s sleeping bag.
JJB sports.
A crack, a release, his poor exhaust.
He was lost.
The Broadway.
The Town Hall, such a grand building, all nautical reminiscences, here, far from water.
It would be quite a sight if you could get far back enough from it to take a look.
But my back is up against the black panelling of the gay sauna opposite,
A coach thunders by, and I run past the video shop that I owe £5 to.
Meaning go way back.
I may be becoming one of those people you see in New Cross.
I have a book, peeping out of one pocket, at least want to look vaguely intellectual if someone I know,
Or worse, someone who knows me walks by.
I throw down the finish can into the pile between two walls, outside my flat.
Look, there′s the hardware store.
It has a large cutout of a radiant man and woman in overalls,
The woman handing the man a tin of paint, up his ladder, beaming.
It has faded in the sun.
I bought creosote from there, once.
What a night!
Pure mental!
It was messy!
It was out of hand! It was out of space!
I rapped on that track once, at Bagley's, remember it?!
Skibbadee handed me the mic,
I got to shout "I′M GONNA SEND HIM TO OUTER SPACE TO FIIIND ANOTHER RACE!"
Absolutely fantastic, those days...
The pills these days are not the same, they don't work.
No love.
I was chattin′ to this bloke in the kitchen, and he said somethin', I can′t remember what but I had to push him over
Pressed his ass on the coffee table
Ash tins and CDs everywhere
Spill the lions to the fat bastard
I can't get you out of my head
Your loving
Is all I think about
No, I can't get you of my head
Something, something is all I think about
I can′t get this loop out of my head
No, I think I′ll have to...
I need to sit down
Argh, can't stop my leg jigglin
It wants to be somewhere else
I need to get out of here
I can hear sirens - can you hear them?
Then again, they are always here, the background to day to day life here
When music is playing, and they come, they sometimes sync up
The new Cross Remix, huh, I call it
I used to call it
This isn′t how it advertised itself
It was fun
It was Technicolour
The music made me feel liquid, I melted into the company and was chief among them
I was in the kicthen
Pouring pint after pint of water over myself
Insisting to a stranger that "No, no...
The drinks are on me!"
Can't remember what happened after that
Except her, there
I had managed to talk to her
I was talking about an art gallery, I thought she′d be impressed
But her eyes kept dancing around the space behind me
Smiles flickered on her lips as her eyes focussed on scenes I was oblivious to, I heard laughter
It was from my throat, but I didn't feel it
I was just trying to breathe life into a long-dead persona
