How did this happen?
Or more specifically
Please use the next
18 minutes or so
To describe
In a single rambling rant
And in the
Most confusing way possible
How you
Made this album
The more
Unnecessary details
And the more tangents
That take us
Off the main topic
The better
You win
Bonus points
For non-linear
Convoluted storytelling
Name some names
Amigo
Hey
Can you hear me
This is my voice
So
When I was young
I was
Obsessed with soccer
It was the nineties
I loved Brazil
The OG Ronaldo
Rivaldo
Roberto Carlos
I liked
Barcelona in Spain
Juventus in Italy
AJAX
Celtic
Man U
Dortmund
And there′s
A person in my family
Named Danny
And I'm not sure
Where he is today
He′s Vera's son
And we visited them once
And he showed me music
That he
Made on his computer
And it didn't mean
Anything to me
Back then
And he also
Tapped on a table
In a rhythmic way
Kind of like
The sound of
Horses running
Kind of
Sounds like this
Or you know
That sort of thing
I started
Sort of tapping
It annoyed the crap
Out of
My fourth-grade teacher
Ms. Frechette
She was
An incredible teacher
She taught me
To show and not tell
That there′s always
A better word than
Got or get
She said
I should
Join the school band
The next year
In fifth grade
And start taking
Drumming lessons with Mr. Scott
And that dude
He started me
On the snare
With that
Blue and white book
It′s called Syncopation
And he showed me
The mechanics of
Using a drum stick
And how to hold
Two heavy crash cymbals
And bang them together
And they were so heavy
And you have to
Do it on an angle
And in big bands
You save it for
The very end of the song
And Mr. Scott
He let me play
The song Rockin' Robin
On the kit in the band
It was a really fun song
Rockin′ Robin
Rock, rock
Rockin' Robin
He made me a cassette tape
And I wish I could find it
But at the end of the tape
He said that I should keep going
Keep playing
And
And then I got
Again
You shouldn′t use that word
You should say
Something else like
We found and signed up
With a drum teacher
That came to my house
And this guy
Chris
He taught me
How to play funk beats
Bossa nova
Reggaeton
Ghost notes
With the snare
And the main lesson
And this was over years
But the drummer always
Has to do what's best for the song
And one day
Yaeli′s daughter Hadas
Told my sister and I
That she won tickets to see
The Chili Peppers play
On Ellis Island
And it was for the release
Of their new album
By the Way
And she won the tickets
By calling 92.3 KRock
And we'd be on a boat
A little
Ways off the island
While they played
And we went early
And we got super lucky
We saw Flea and John
As they were boarding their ferry
To go to the soundcheck
And they were super chill
You know we only talked
To them for a second
But they were like
Do you guys wanna go
On the island
And they gave us tickets
To be on the ferry that
Goes on the island
And so the boat docks
On the island
And we ran
And we got to
The first-row
Center
And that performance
Changed my life
Sports and soccer
Were cool
But this
That feeling
You know
Let me
Let me take a step back
My grandma
She grew up in Hungary
And I don't think
She was that poor
But at some point
The war started
And they sent her to
Auschwitz
And she survived
And she′d tell us stories
That when
They had her look
Through the
Dead people′s luggage
You know
For gold or jewelry
Or money or diamonds
Or that sort of thing
Sometimes she'd
Find an apple
Or
A piece of bread
And she′d sneak it
She survived
The death march
I think that's
What it′s called
And my grandpa
He was in
The Hungarian underground
Throughout the war
And he was really smart
And throughout his life
He'd get angry at
Stupid shit
But he had
A heart of gold
And my
Other grandparents
Were here in the States
And they were poor
They were very poor
My grandma′s mom
Was institutionalized
She had mental problems
So her dad
My grandma's dad
Remarried and her stepmom
Was a real witch
And my grandpa's family
I should mention
Came here from Lithuania
And he was a sick man
He had arthritis and diabetes
But he had a dope sense of humor
And they lived through
A lot of shit
And they drove around
A movable
Portable
Merry-go-round
To make money
And later on
My grandpa
Sold cleaning supplies
Door to door
And my grandma
Ran the kitchen
At an old age home
And she also worked
At some hotel
And she′s still alive
She lives in Florida
Hi, Bubbie
And my parents
They hustled
You know
My mom studied
Chemical and environmental engineering
And she′s super practical
And logic-driven
And my dad
He hated school
But he had the ambition
Of a real mother effer
And he became
A businessman
And he's got this
Work ethic that
I always wish I had
And he′s
Funny as fuck, too
We had a game
Growing up
When the radio
Was playing
At random times
My dad would ask
Whose, whose song is this
And it was always either
The Rolling Stones
Or
The Beatles
And we had a 50-50 shot
When guessing
I kind of liked
The Beatles
Better
But I love the Stones
Too
Anyway
My parents took
Some chances
They used their brains
And
They're super kind
And they gave me love
And choices and options
But there was a limit
You know
It was the drum gear
Or a video game system
I couldn′t
It wasn't both
We couldn′t afford both
So
I chose this bright
$300
Groove Percussion kit
And I played it
In the garage
On Bogert Road
And the parts would
Break all the time
We'd have to go
To the store
And get new stuff
We'd move the drums
To the basement
In the winter
And at some point
They bought me a
Tama Swingstar kit
With Paiste 302 cymbals
And I was so pumped
And I had
A band in sixth grade
It was called Final Warning
And Mike Davenport
Is a really cool dude
He lived on the same block
And I met
A kid named Rob
In middle school
And he was
Friends with Conor
And I
Already knew Conor
From the Blackhawks
The soccer team
And as the goggle-wearing
Center on the
River Edge Rebels
And he was pretty good
And those two fuckers
Were starting a band
And they didn′t tell me
But they were testing
Two drummers
Me and another dude
And he′s a cool guy
Too
He has a studio now
In Texas
And I guess
I played simpler stuff
Maybe I was less flashy
Probably just less
Or more boring
And I guess
They liked me
So we formed
The Grand Facade
And we didn't have a singer
And we never played out
And there was
An Emo scene in Jersey
And this band Sense Fail
Had just broken out
I never saw them play
But every weekend
There was a show
At either a VFW
Or a
Knights of Columbus
Or some other place
You could rent
For real cheap
And tickets
Were five bucks
T-shirts were ten
You′d see bands like
Airkake, Decoy, Rydia
Riding Bikes, Socratic
They made it kind of big
My heroes were this band
Called Madison
And they were gonna get big
And they got signed
To Drive-Thru's imprint
Rushmore
And I′d go to the shows
And I'd study
Richie′s drumming
And he was so dope
And I'd watch their
Making of the album
Videos
When they were
Recording with Jesse Cannon
I loved that shit
And Steel Train
That's Jack Antonoff′s band
They were already
On Drive-Thru
And my first time
Seeing them was at
The Bloomfield Ave Cafe
In Montclair
And Jack and Scott
Were sharing center stage
And John wasn′t even
The drummer yet
And he's a great guy, too
And he gave me
A couple of lessons once
And Evan, the bassist
Taught my friend Rob
Some bass
And my friend Adam
Knew Jack′s family
But I never talked to Jack
He's the real
Hero of Jersey
The dude′s a genius
And one time
I was a real dick
I tried to steal
A sweatshirt
From Steel Train's
Merch bin
And if they′re listening
I'm really sorry
That happened
And I'm really happy
You caught me
I bought some stuff
Too
Different times
But anyway
Back to high school
I recorded two songs
On a PC
But then there was malware
And I still have
These nightmares
About losing control
Of the computer
And my parents
Got us another computer
I got an audio interface
And a MIDI controller
You know
POS models for sure
Latency nightmares
MIDI thing would
Lose connection
In the
Middle of the song
And I made some
Bad beats
And the only person
Who thought
I had potential
At that time
Was my
Aunt Jacqueline
She would listen
To the songs through
They were
Seven or eight minutes long
And boring as shit
But she said
I should keep making stuff
And she was so kind
And I miss her so much
Then I played
In some bands
In college
My roommate
Matt Davis
Was so supportive
Of me
And he still is
And he is the
OG Arem fan
And so was my friend Ilya
And I played drums
In a band called Spot On
With Leo
And a guy named Matt
And Leo still makes stuff
It′s really cool
And I jammed
With these guys
Brad and Shaun
They′re some
Solid ass dudes
And they're really good
And I played with
Rick in Sheep
And he put out a song
Last year that was
Not very PC
But I loved it
And I had a few
Breakdowns in college
Big manic episodes
Then
Months of depression
And it would repeat
And I had to leave school
A few times
And it was pretty shitty
And I was really evil
To a lot of people
And I lost
A bunch of
Good friends
And my sisters
Dealt with me
And I was a real prick
To them, too
But they really
Helped me when
I was sad
And my uncles
Helped me, too
And there were
Long periods of time
When
I didn′t make anything
At all
But I never sold
All my stuff
And it can get really
Sad looking at drums
Or gear that
You haven't touched
In a year
And I do want
To say that
I′m a terrible student
But I had some
Really amazing professors
Like Professor Pearson
She taught me
How to publish online
She introduced me
To WordPress
I had a professor
Named Teresa Nakra
Who made me explain
With words
What happens
In these electronic
Early electronic music
Songs like
Ligeti's Glissandi
Or maybe it was
Artikulation
I′m not sure which one
But I had to
Write a paper about it
And you should
Try doing that
That's an assignment
And this guy
Antonino Scarpati
He taught
A class about
Social Work
That taught me more
About life and people
And poverty
And humanity
Than any class
I've ever taken
And I was introduced
To this genius
Named Kuiphoff
I took a class
One summer
It was
Intro to Web Design
I think it was
The summer of 2010
I also met Nathan
And MCT in college
They taught me
How to edit writing
How to make
A logical argument
MCT′s kind of a dick now
But he still makes
Some good points
Sometimes
And Nathan′s so kind
And he and
My cousin Noah
Are my
Gold standard for ethics
So when
I have a question
I ask them
After college
I couldn't get a job
In
Journalism or publishing
It was cause
I was a shitty
Writer and editor
Dana
And not
For any other reason
So I delivered food
For this mean boss
Who paid
Four bucks an hour
Plus you got to
Keep the crappy tips
And I started
Taking guitar lessons
With Ed
At some point
And I knew
Some bar chords
But that′s about it
And he taught me
Basically everything
I know
About music theory
And the guitar
And playing inversions
And that you
Don't always have to
Play big
Loud chords
And I′ve been
Taking lessons
With him
On and off
For like ten years now
And
I still have a lot to learn
And at some point
I posted
A Craigslist ad that
I'm
Looking for collaborators
And Zach hit me up
And I jammed
With him and Mark
And it was so fun
And then
We found Angely
Through Warren
And we named the band
Zach named the band
The Holy Smokes
And this guy
Ryan recorded us
And connected us to
Alberto
To master the songs
And then when
I started working
On some of these
I was like
I should
Hit up Alberto
He′s
A knowledgeable guy
He seems chill
And he showed me
How to find new
More interesting samples
And he
Made my songs
Way better
And he
Never leaves you hanging
He's a good dude
And Tula Vera
This band in Jersey
Their singer Claire
Gave me some
Vocal lessons
But I didn't
Get too far
And I went
With the vocal samples
Here
Cause they sounded
So much better
And that band′s
Other guitarist
Dylan
Also gave me some lessons
And he was so kind
When I showed him
Some of these songs
And both of them
Are so sweet
And back to
The main point
My friend Conor
Has written
A bunch of movies
And they′re so good
And I try to help him
Make them better
And I had been working
On these songs
Separately
For a few years
And one day
It kind of clicked
That if I put them
In a certain order
They could tell a story
Why, why, why
Why do you make music
Why do I make music
When I started
It was probably
For the same reason
Most people start
I thought people
Would want
To be with me
Or sleep with me
If I was in a band
Or something like that
And for years now
Though
I think
It's more because
I love the smell
Of my own farts
And I love creating
And I love trying
To get better
And then
When it′s kind of good
It gives me that feeling
I had when
I saw the Chili Peppers
On Ellis Island
But I guess
If you're asking
Why people should listen
Or support me
Or buy my stuff
Well
I guess
My ideal goal
Is to give my parents
A bunch of money
So they can retire
And
I want them to
Retire already
Cause they
Did so much for me
And I haven′t done
That much for them
And
Music makes me feel
Such interesting emotions
My dream has always been
To make music
That affects people
The way
Rilo Kylie or
Bright Eyes affected me
Or to make something
So impactful
That you could
Listen to it
Over and over and over
Again
And it never gets old
Like that album
The Score by The Fugees
Or Bob Marley's greatest hits
The Legend album
Or the Blueprint
Or Abbey Road
Or something that
When you hear it
The first time
A song
You′re like
I need to hear that
Again right now
Like
Jason Derulo's
Want to Want Me
Or
Julia Michaels's
Issues
Or Jack′s song
I Want to Get Better
Or
Wild Wild Woman
By Your Smith
Or Forest Whitaker
By Bad Books
Do you have any regrets?
Oh yeah
Plenty
I′ve seen these music docs
And famous dudes
Look back at their lives
And they always
Say stuff like
You know
I wouldn't change anything
Not for me
Many times
I was evil
Because
I was so sure
I was right
I wish I was kinder
I wish I listened better
I paid more attention
I wish I wasn′t
Always
Waiting for
My turn to talk
Or rehearsing my joke
As other
People were talking
I wish
I was more humble
And more courteous
And less angry
And less sure
I was right
All the time
Do you have any advice
For other people
Trying to make music?
Nah, I'm just some
Idiot
From New Jersey
With zero
Success in music
Yeah
I know
But if you were
To have success
Do you have any advice?
Nah
Well
Keep going
