Nigel... Fuckin′ legend
Me and Nig been mates all our lives
Even played in the same band
Best gig we ever got was at a Country Pub
One Easter long weekend
Beter than that, the wives were invited, and we all had double rooms
A bit of quality time for the boys
And the brides, like a second honeymoon
We set up the band while the girls got
Settled and we done our final soundcheck
Then we ran upstairs for a peck and
A promise, then we ran back down again
The Pub was pumped, and the band kicked arse
Of course me and Nig got pissed
With the added bonus of a gauranteed roots
Life don't get better than this
Then after the gig we had a few more
Beers and played a few rounds of pool
We were both pretty pissed when we get to the miss
Our last twenty divided by two
And then he said "kid I′ll make you a bet, double or nothing for you"
"I'll bet you that twenty that when we
Get upstairs, I'll get more roots than you"
Nigel... Fuckin′ legend
So we both stumbled upstairs and then
Shook hands, and wished each other good luck
Now in full will the competition is
On, tomorrow we′ll be tallin' fucks
But hardly wait to get the key in the
Door, cause the missus was waitin′ there too
Spread out on the bed in her nèlige
"Come here Rambo, I've been waitin′ for you"
"Kevi... Fuckin' legend"
Number one was fun for the missus and
Me, got up to stuff we hadn′t done in years
So I marked in on the wall with a
Piece of chalk that I found behind me ear
Then I must have dozed off cause when I looked
At the clock by the bed, it said a quarter past two
So I give her nudge, said "are you awake love"
No response, thank you ... Number Two
"Kevi... Fuckin' legend"
Next thing I knew it was six 'o clock
, Cause I woke up with a huge piss horn
But before I could go the missus had me by the throat
"Rambo wants some more"
Then she drag me to the shower,
Took another half hour, but I didn′t mind at all
Lay back on the bed thought,
′Good on you Kev' as I marked a third stroke on the wall
"Kevi ... Fuckin′ legend"
I was dozin' off again a contended
Man just thinkin′ about my good luck
With the missus whisperin' in me ear
"Rambo want another fuck"
Then all hell broke loose and there was bangin′ and
Smashin', and you'll never guess who crash through the door
Pumped full of Viagra,
Frothtin′ at the mouth, dick dribblin′ all over the floor
Yip you guessed it
Nigel... Fuckin' legend
He left a snail trail as he crawled to me
Bed and looked up to the marks I have made
Then he shook me hand and give me a hug and a big "Oh, MATE..."
Then he stood up straight,
Dick danglin′ in me face, and saluted to the lines I drew
"Fuckin' hell Kevin, I got down eleven, you beat me by two"
Nigel... Fuckin′ legend
Nigel... Fuckin' legend
Nigel... Fuckin′ legend
Nigel... Fuckin' legend
Nigel... Fuckin' legend
