I have a sad story to tell you.
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
Last night when I walked into my bathroom,
I stepped in a big pile of ...
Shaving cream, be nice and clean.
Shave everyday and you'll always look keen.
[This chorus is repeated after every verse.]
I think I'll break off with my girlfriend.
Her antics are queer I'll admit.
Each time I say, "Darling, I love you,"
She tells me that I'm full of ...
Our baby fell out of the window.
You'd think that her head would be split.
But good luck was with her that morning;
She fell in a barrel of ...
An old lady died in a bathtub;
She died from a terrible fit.
In order to fulfill her wishes,
She was buried in six feet of ...
When I was in France with the army,
One day I looked into my kit.
I thought I would find me a sandwich,
But the darn thing was loaded with ...
And now, folks, my story is ended.
I think it is time I should quit.
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a barrel of ...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Version 2 (Use same chorus):
A demented song I will sing you,
A classic of poetry and wit.
Last night while I was in my bathroom,
I stepped in a pile of
I asked to come out and play baseball
I'd just bought a new catchers' mitt;
I asked you to throw me a fastball
but you threw me a big lump of
Here we are in this fine health food restaurant.
I hate to be picking a nit.
But waiter, I ordered your yogurt surprise,
And you brought me a plate full of
Last night we all had a big snowstorm,
And it's time to shovel, isn't it?
Now the only good thing I can say about shoveling snow,
Is, it's better than shoveling
They built a big wall in East Berlin.
The biggest one that would fit.
But I found out what that Berlin wall was made of.
Well the whole thing was nothing but
